The feeling I get when performing remains
indescribable. I am now twenty-one years old and still cannot find adequate words
to sum up the rush. When taking those few precious steps that separate the
curtain from the stage everything in this chaotic, confusing world all seems
right. The heat from the spotlight radiates a certain warmth that somehow
spreads all the way down from my fingers to my toes. The smell of the freshly
polished stage under me causes my feet to crave a release through dance. But
all of this deems nothing in comparison to the applause. When I finish
performing and it comes time for bows, the applause remains the worst kind of
addiction that I could spend an entire lifetime trying to kick with no avail. I
sometimes compare myself to Tinker Bell because in a way, I need the applause
to live. Most little girls have dreams of being a real life princess, like
Diana or Kate. My dream was
similar yet different. I wanted to be a princess, but a fake princess. For as
long as I can remember I’ve had a dream of working as a character performer at Disney
World. Every bucket list, every ten year plan, every 11:11 am OR pm wish on the
clock all went into being a Disney character. Fast-forward to 2016, my junior
year in college. I made the decision to go through the application process and
eventually audition for the Spring 2017 program.
After introductions from the casting director
and choreographer they brought all of us into a ballet studio. They taught us about a 45 second choreography
routine and had us perform in groups of four for the director. I have never
felt better about an audition in my life. I walked away knowing I had nailed
it, my dance steps were on point, my gestures were big and tip: if your cheeks
aren’t burning from smiling so wide after a performance-you’re not doing it right.
After all of the contestants danced, our casting director told us that there
would be some cuts before we went to the next round. I was number 112. He
called the numbers and asked us to respond, “here”, as I prepared myself by
forming the letter h with my mouth I heard him say “106, 107, 108, 128, 132”
and so on…The ground fell from under me. As I was walking out of the room I
peeked a glance and noticed the people who had stayed were mostly tall, skinny
and strikingly beautiful girls with either olive skin, blonde hair or bright
blue eyes. Years worth of insecurities flooded back: I had already determined
that it was because I wasn’t skinny enough, tall enough or even pretty enough. I
had driven nine hours to go to a 30-minute audition to be cut and now turn
around to travel nine hours back home. I called my mom trying to be strong. It
was when I saw her that howls began that would put a were-wolf on the night of
a full moon to shame.
Fast forward - the next week was Fall Break
and over the two-day vacation I took a trip with two of my friends to North
Carolina. It was a nice escape but as soon as I was alone with my thoughts on
that plane ride back home my mind was filled with the fog of self-doubt and
loathing. There was a girl sitting next to me that I hadn’t paid any attention
to - the only thing I noticed about her is that she had a love for rings and
bangle bracelets. As the captain called over the intercom that we would make
landfall in the next fifteen minutes I peered out the window, but my view was
blocked by the girl’s arm resting across it. Before I could become frustrated
that she was obstructing my view of the cotton candy colored sky, something
caught my eye. There was a single medal hanging from one of her many bangles.
The only medal. It was a huge gold medallion that read in clear black ink,
“Everything Happens For a Reason”. You may call it a coincidence-I call it
divine intervention.
I
will never forget what my friend Emelie said to me when I told her I had been
cut at the audition… “maybe this is the universe’s way of telling you your
personality is too bright to be hidden under a mask”. I was immediately struck
by my favorite verse, Matthew 5:16-24. Don’t we do that as people? We forget
about the light that shines out of us and from within us. The kind of light
only possible when you have Jesus in your life. Just like in the verse, we
should not be hidden. Whether that is by a bowl or a mask. We tend to hide our
lights. What I hope you take away from this post is
it’s extremely easy to say, “if you want to make God laugh-tell Him what your
plans are” but it’s another thing entirely to live it. It is not and will not
be easy, but has anyone ever said that being a Christian would be easy? Not to
my knowledge. I’m not saying to “give up” on your dreams if something doesn’t
work out the first go round because it’s not God’s will. No way! The casting
directors will soon learn my name, my face, my eyes, even the freckle under my
cheek because I will not give up on this dream until there’s nothing left to
give. What I AM saying is in the end we will find that the clock of our lives
does not tick at OUR pace, but rather HIS. The Lord works in mysterious ways. His
ending to our story is something much more beautiful than we could have ever
dreamed-simply because it was designed by Him and for Him.
I hope you also remember to never let anyone dim your light.
There will be those who attempt it-I can promise you that. Consciously or
subconsciously they will try, but that doesn’t mean they will win. The only
opinion we should be seeking approval of is our one TRUE King. In his eyes I am
His Princess and, I would take that ANY day over Cinderella.
Leave a comment telling us a situation in your life that led you
to believe that “everything happens for a reason”.
XOXO,
Chance
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